Maybe, the Regret

Oh, spring loveliness here today. Blue sky and reasonable temps, I just had to get out of the office and drive around. Days like today I love KY and am so happy I ended up here (pure luck, I say!) And, the fact I have been here almost three seasons is just amazing to me.

Other days (and even sometimes into the evening), I feel panicked. My husband is a lot more adventurous than I am. He says, "Sometimes you just have to take a chance..." He is excited and happy about the move. Me? I have always been at odds with 'chance'.

Tomorrow, I am setting off to see too-good-to-be-true house and land (I've been there several times now, but the realtor does not know this fact). I saw they reduced the price by $15,000. The place is beautiful, but remote...or at least it seems that way considering one has to track up a mountain and down into a hollow. You can only see other folks' houses way off in the distance on top of a different mountain (okay, hill, but a mountain to this former flat-lander). The house and property are just perfect. I think maybe too perfect.

I am on the fence about the location. I am not sure I want to be remote again. Back home in IN, our house is rural, but the in-laws live just down the road. We can't see our neighbors, but they are there. This weekend, back up North, I managed to get both my vehicle and our pick-up stuck in the blessed wet snow. Husband was at work. My eldest child had a birthday party to attend later and we needed a gift. I was able to call up my MIL and she took son to store and party and my FIL and step-BIL (also a neighbor) came to my rescue with a tractor. In KY, we will be on our own. And this scares me.

So, I found two other homes to check out near the edge of Louisville. Both are 'city' houses, but both offer large (as in 2+ acre) lots. Both are convenient to the city and decrease our work commute. Well, it will shorten my commute (the other house is actually closer to hubby's work) and I am not sure I want to go back to an hour one-way commute to work. I love being home quickly when the day is done. The closer city homes offer a chance to know our neighbors (possibly) and have someone to rely on if ever there need be a reason.

I think my worst fear is regret. Maybe I will regret selling our lovely 10+ acre lot in IN. Maybe I won't find anything in the same price range. Maybe my job here will end. Maybe I will have trouble with childcare. Maybe I will be lonely here...or maybe I will love it. Maybe I need to let chance (aka fate) have her way. Until we sell the IN property and get Dh down here, it's all just a pipe-dream anyway.

Thrift Share Monday: Spare Thrift

(Cute pillowcase)

So, ever since I started participating in Thrift Share Monday, I realized two things:

1. I don't always have the patience and eyes for good thrifting as other fellow thrifter (I still say the glory days of the late '80's/'90's are gone, but maybe I'm just lazy...or cynical).

and

2. I thrift way too much (something I did not notice until I deliberately started sharing my finds); I sometimes forget what I bought until Monday.

(Cute dish linen)

I do love Mondays, however, both at Apron Thrift Girl and Her Library Adventures and seeing and reading all about the wonderful things folks find out there (which brings me to 3. I need to find time to hit more estate sales!)

(No.more.dresses.)

This week I am bringing in the crap I have been lugging around in my trunk all week. Last Monday, a federal holiday and a glorious extra day off for me, I went to lunch with my mom. We hit one thrift store which I had not been to in ages. Apparently, in my absence, the store has expanded. They now have a "vintage" section with ok prices. I found a few things: embroidered dishtowel and pillowcase, a couple of embroidery kits, and a (barely) vintage flannel dress (80's). The thrift also added a 'silent auction' section in the store. I do not like these (bad for us out-of-towners). I saw the most gorgeous framed first communion certificate dated 1917. I wanted it and was going to bid (I had a figure of $25 in my head for the high bid), but when I looked the bid was over $70 and it still had weeks to go. I had to walk away.

(My favorite find-Purgatory Certificate)

Then, for the rest of the week, I was on a travel assignment for work. My colleague (and friend) hit a GW and an antique mall. I already shared the GW finds, but the purgatory certificate is the sweet find from the antique mall and helped me (almost) forget all about the silent auction certificate (and it was reasonably priced at $6). This one will share wall space with some other religious type certificates I have thrifted over the years (all dated from the early part of the last century). I plan to add my own kids certificates to the collection (oldest child will have first communion this spring) and maybe my kids will add a purgatory one for me one day ;). it always bothers me someone disposed of these important documents. Some are even framed in heavy, ornate frames.

Today, I saw they are building a new Goodwill here in Louisville (Hey, Sena By the Bluegrass, did you notice it yet? It's huge and out by The Gene Snyder & 60!! I wonder when it will be open?), but I ran through another one. I am trying hard to be selective because I will be moving stuff again soon. I found several items of interest, but only purchased a new Fiona Apple CD, a great chocolate brown dress (the cashier said, "Oh, this is definitely your style!"), and a newer scrabble game.

I wanted to go on to another one, but I stopped myself. Time to switch gears and get ready for the big spring/summer move. I am beginning to finally feel excited!

(Sorry about crappy photographs...)

The Conflict of New

This blog is new, but I am not new to blogging. I kept a hodge podge "life" blog for years and would have kept going on it, but I lost my drive. My life, at the time of the retirement, was a jumble of messes caused by both internal and external stress, including marital discord, a court issue with a land contract, the economy, my job, my in-laws, myself...It's a long, long list. I wanted to just bury my head in the sand ("So, you know where to find me" as the great words in the song "Conversation 16" the National says...maybe I'll put it up for your listening pleasure) and forget it all. I was miserable with the world around me and it was miserable with me. It is the main reason I don't link them here because I want to close the book on that shit and move on to new adventures.

Now, nearly a 3/4 year later (since ending the other blog) I am finding life much more tolerable. We won the court case and then sold the house, our marriage is much better thanks to a little distance (I am so, so, so the opposite of the clingy type), the economy still sucks and my relationship with in-laws is still a bit strained, but I am glad they are in my life (they make our KY/IN life possible right now). However, now that the greyness has subsided, I am wondering if I made the right choice to move to KY. I hate the drive back and forth, I miss my kids (and even the hubby most of the time), and I am looking out at our gorgeous 11 acre property and swooning over the ice covered trees and blue, blue sky. I wonder if I will love a new property when we find it in KY like I do this one (right property, wrong house and location).

The job situation in this area is hit or miss. Like a lot of American cities, we have seen the decline of industry and a brain drain of human resources. I was fortunate to find something in my field and loved what I did, but I saw an issue with sustainability (especially with cut-backs and all) and knew it was a matter of time before I was terminated (well, I was working under contract terms and I thought I may or may not be renewed). When I saw an opportunity to be permanent and an increase in salary I either had to grab it or leave it with a weekend notice. We agreed I should grab it. The husband has been driving 90 miles one way to his job for years (he only has to make the drive 2 times a week) and his company has a DC near the area my job presented itself. He knew he could transfer. It seemed as if fate was moving us to go to KY.

And, I love KY! The people are sweet (I mean I melt when a young man calls me "darlin'"), the landscape is beautiful, and my dad was from eastern KY so I feel closer to ancestral roots there. I live in a metro area of a large city (Louisville) and one of Louisville's slogans are "Keep Louisville Weird". It is a perfect fit for me!!

The negatives are my MIL cares for my children while we work. She sees them off to school and is there when they step off the bus (she lives an 1/8 of a mile from our property which you can understand is both a blessing and an issue). She loves them dearly and they love her. With the move in a few months, we will need childcare again and when we are both on the road for the jobs, it will be a huge issue to arrange childcare when school is in session. She could come down and stay with us, but I do not know how she would feel about this arrangement. I would love to send them to stay with her, but school dictates location.

Another issue is I see my husband losing steam on the idea of moving south. We both know we won't be living on 10 acres on the same price as we have here. We bought the property at a great price and with the thought of using it to sustain us if Peak Oil or other future issues caused us to homestead for survival. I have learned a lot from living with livestock, wildlife, woods and near-by lakes. Now, with the summer move, my hope is to downsize (truth be told we have never had the time to enjoy our property with the long commutes to urban areas/jobs and the ultimate size that keeps us busy with up-keep). I want a smaller property with a more interesting house (i.e. historical home) and hope to just rent community garden space to grow my own vegetable. On the other hand, I also have loved living with out neighbor issues (for the most part*), and will need to deeply screen any neighborhoods we look at in KY (I've had some strange and annoying situations in the past). It may also be nice to have neighbors! I will also miss the wildlife (catching frogs with the boys in spring, the sounds of owls and coyotes, the flutter of songbirds and the occasional sighting of a fox, deer or skunk in the front yard). So much to miss, so much to discover.

All of this is a swarm of feelings I seem to develop on Sunday when faced with four-hour drive back to work. When I return to KY, I know I love it. It is when I am home that I wonder if it is the right place for us. This much I do know: I want my family in one spot and I want a "normal" life. Although I expect it to still be weird. In fact, I need it to be weird! ;)

OK, I need to finish a huge list around here before I leave. Next weekend the family is coming down to me for a change, so I need to complete a couple of projects I started yesterday. I now have a clean linen closet!!

*A snowbird neighbor who parks an RV on wild property near us came home last spring and bulldozed full grown apple and maples trees on OUR property. He claimed the edge of the woods was the property line (it's marked with stakes) and he had the right. He was at least 10-20 feet onto our property and the trees he killed sustained livestock and the bees I kept at the time. I was pissed to say the least!