Rest in Peace

Not too long ago, a friend of mine in Louisville told me a witch was buried in a cemetery near his house. I was curious. It took some convincing, but I finally talked him into exploring the historical site with me yesterday.

Louisville is an old city and old cities are full of beautifully aged graveyards. This particular one is located in the Highlands. It is where the "poor" of the 1800-early 1900's was buried and sits directly next to the resting grounds of the more well-to-do.

While we were searching for the stone he remembered seeing almost 20 years ago, I took out my camera and starting snapping pictures of some of the ornate stones. My friend's eyes bugged out and he said, "It's illegal to take photos in a cemetery!"

I glanced up at him to see if he was joking and I realized he was not. I chuckled and told him I thought someone had fed him bullshit at some point. I told him I would check on this, but that I was pretty sure taking photographs in a cemetary was perfectly fine. I mentioned that there were a lot worse things you could do illegally in a graveyard than take a couple of pictures*.  The rest of the visit he had me laughing to tears at his avoidance of walking on the graves (I had to tell him that the front is not always where the casket was placed in reference to the stone). He was superstitious and somewhat creeped out by the soggy ground and old dates.

For me, I have always love graveyards. I've been exploring them since I was a child. My parents had a lake house in a rural part of Indiana. During the summer I would disappear into the depths of the nearby woods. I had discovered an old, overgrown cemetery hidden in the tangles of elms and nettles and thorny flora. I spent hours there, clearing away the vines and dirt from the faded stones, constructing stories about the people buried beneath them. In my mind, time spent in a cemetery is a way of honoring the dead, an acknowledgement that these were people who laughed like us, maybe coveted chocolate or oranges, read books and kissed their babies goodnight. In college, one of my favorite undergrad projects was a population study we did using the dates and sexes on gravestones. When I walk up to a stone, it is to look better at a name and the dates. I do it as a respect and courtesy to the deceased. And, I do it because I am curious about these lives.

Later, over vegetarian burritos, I mentioned again I had never heard about the legalities of taking cemetery photos (I was thinking about the 100's I have from cities I have visited over the years). He looked wistfully away and said: "Maybe someone just said you could capture a spirit by using a camera in a cemetery."

*There is a horrible back story to this particular graveyard, but it does not involve a witch or a camera.

Goals Week 3: Woe

1. Move: in at least three workouts (hotel has fitness room and pool). Twice
2. Budget: Start getting tax items together (make my yearly checkoff list)-nope
3. Learn: Read gardening books-some
4. Complete: finish all outstanding reports for work (these are different from files). :(
5. Sustain: Look online for potential jobs/update resume (a lot more on this later). no

Um, yea...I failed on all goal accounts last week. It ended up being a long, stressful, wintery, and tiring week. I did go to the gym twice, but, otherwise, I can't say I did much else. So, I will just carry it over to this week. I am skipping the other one I'm doing this week.

Motivation seems to be a huge factor for me when it comes to any task. This has not always been the case; generally, if I have an interest I plow full-steam into it, but if I have to do something I do the best I can anyway. Jobs have always been this way for me: I am highly productive, high achiever, and have always tried to be a top employee (e.g. volunteer a lot, participate, produce timely results, etc, etc). I've never had issues with discipline and have received many employment awards and accolades. My current job, however, seems to be really holding me back. Or maybe I should say: I am really holding back from my current job.

I tell myself I need to feel grateful to be employed, well-employed at that, and find something to love about the job. I can't believe how difficult this seems to be. I have a mean, self-centered supervisor who is causing great stress among her employees. And, for reasons I am unclear about, I seem to be fulfilling a self-made prophecy of pissing this boss off. I mean to say, a lot of what I am (not) doing (quickly enough) is the cause of the stress. I think I am being subconsciously passive aggressive. Dumb (on my part).

I have today off because I worked through Saturday this week (travel). Boss likes to bark orders and I tried to complete her order, but had some technical difficulties that IT is still working on. She is unhappy I didn't just jump when she said it. I just have never been able to work for people like this woman. Really, who can be motivated when you are constantly belittled, patronized, mistrusted and ragged upon? On the other hand, I am starting to slightly believe that the universe is conspiring to make everything hard (f-ing computer and f-ing security and f-ing bad luck).

Of course, I cannot give up as much as I want to. Sure, I want to go home. I am tired of Louisville. I am tired of micro-management. I am tired of a job that is slowly being phased out (making achievements few and far between to the chagrin of the boss). I am tired of feeling so damn unhappy. However, financially I am still getting us to a 'safe place'.

I look at the want ads back home now and then and I'm not seeing much else. I have to tough this out for now. Meanwhile, I need to find coping methods. It's been many, many years since I despised a job. I despise this job.

Forty-One Goals

Despite the 100+ heat today in the 'ville, I am thinking about fall. The summer has...no scratch that...THE YEAR has flown. This has been my 40th year. I will be 41 in a month and some change.

It's so easy to let time slip by, giving so much to the "have to" parts of life and ignoring the parts that can make you feel good, happy (or maybe this is just me). I have been in Louisville for one year. I still travel home on the weekends. I still feel like I am caught between two lives.

The apartment I call home in one of the lives is awful. I picked it quick on a weekend trip to Louisville before starting the job. I had no idea about neighborhoods or what I wanted. I figured it was a temporary thing and I hadn't rented since my mid-twenties. The day I signed the lease, I learned I could not have pets, aquariums or nails in the wall. I thought, "Oh, well...family will be down here soon and we'll buy a place." This apartment feels like a cheap hotel.

Well, as stated, a year has come and gone and I had to recently resign another year on the lease due to a very heavy workload and not having the time to look around for something in one of the great neighborhoods I have discovered the past year. Life has taken some crazy turns and my family is still up north (problems with husband's transfer).

The job has gotten familiar now. I am still learning, but I feel comfortable. It is not exactly where I want to be, but it is a good job. I have gained about 20 pounds over the past year, not a happy outcome and I am so sad I can't get into a good percentage of my gorgeous, vintage clothes*. I started this blog (after a hiatus and retirement from an old blog), but have slightly pigeon holed it. I have thrifted. A lot.

What I think I need is a jumpstart. I need to find that woman that was gung ho on a new adventure. The one that worked out three times a week and brought her body back into "normal". The one that loved to write and try new things. The one that had a family to come home to at night.

I cover two states with my job, plus occasionally am assigned to the other two bordering ones. In order to stay focused and be overwhelmed with the work-that-never-stops, we make annual work plans. Additionally, we make weekly work plans with a forecast and accomplishments. At first, I despised these plans. They made me feel micro-managed. However, over time I have grown to like them a little.

And, I think its time I use a little Micro-managing in my own life; I need a little working plan of my own.

So, in the next couple of weeks, by my 41st birthday on Oct. 5, I am going to come up with a list of 41 yearly goals. I am going to attempt to create weekly work plans to help me reach my goals. The ultimate goal: not to be here, on the eve of my 42nd birthday, wondering where my time and energy and life has gone.

*It's not helping that I found the second season of Nip/Tuck at a thrift store a few months ago and the theme seems to be Christian and Shawn turning 40.

Maybe Someone Messed UP

On my way home from work tonight, I saw my landlord's car at her office (next door to my apt. house). Grimacing because I knew she would want to talk to me again about renting one of her houses (too expensive-I'd rather buy), I drove on by and ended up at the downtown Louisville Goodwill. Now the GWs in Louisville are expensive compared to other ones I've been through, but they often have practical, newer things like shoes, clothing, books and other items that are not necessarily vintage or neat, just useful. Only occasionally do I spot something unique and old, but the price tag reflects they know their vintage in this river city (or the item is broken). But, but...

Look what I found tonight!

I think someone really f--ked up on this one because there are three layers and each layer is full of vintage-y goodness. The box itself is old. Even the eccentric cashier (who I really think hates white people, but I am working on her and she called me "sweetie" tonight) said, "Wow, you found something I didn't see. I gave her the dark thread because she said she needed some.

Mending tape in every color (this is after I emptied the chaos and organized the contents).
Wooden thread spools, a great patch, needles; sewing accoutrements; buttons galore (side note: Did you know 'galore' is one of the few Celtic/Gaelic words that made it into the English language? I learned this while traveling last week on a NPR interview of an author from Newfoundland about his book Galore).

The best part (besides all the great treasures hiding in this wonderful amber box) was the price: $4.50! Yes, I know, I know...next week several of you will have a buggy full of great vintage prizes, including a sewing box full of old needles, wooden spools and copper buttons bought for only the few nickles scrounged at the bottom of your $1 bedazzled, yard sale find Enid Collins purse*, but by Louisville thrift store standards, $4.50 is the virtual same as 50 cents!

*Yep, spied an EC purse at a thrift in Louisville recently for about $50 (no decimal point)!

Thrift Share Monday: Leftovers

Despite not being terribly religious*, I *heart* Religionalia, especially if it is from 1920's-1950's era. I am partial to the Catholic items (long before I had a Catholic husband and now sons) because of the fact that women were more prominently represented, motherhood is honored, and they tend to be a little more on the kitschy side of things (my absolute favorite side of thrifty things). Take this little nun, for example, found slightly broken and repaired at the yard sale I've already told you about (hey, she is right at home among my shattered and reglued ceramics!) I love her and she will fit in with the collection soon to be housed on the wall with my vintage/antique religious certificates.
Look more Religionalia! A Mary planter found for 60c at the thrift with 50% off I visited last week. Her middle finger is missing, but we love her all the same. She can still give us the ol' bird with the other hand should she find it necessary. She is sequestered inside another cacti cache pot (as a book I recently checked from the library explained that planters without holes are called). And, because it fit behind her, a milk glass (hobnail) wall pocket is also showcased for your viewing pleasure.

Two keeper state plates from the box lot bought at the yard sale. Kentucky (of course) with a fabulous pastel rainbow effect (Made in Japan) and Brown County, Indiana. I also threw in two pins I bought at the 50% off sale in the photo. One says Flint Creek (25c) and the other a silver butterfly. They are sitting on another recent find (from a couple of weeks ago), a gorgeous maple wall shelf. The wall shelf, the nun and Mary, and other collected religious artifacts will soon be a vignette on my wall. Stay tuned for photos (maybe even this weekend if they would quit being so darn short).


And, because they were sweet and cheap, I grabbed these pastel kissing Dutch children the same day I found the shelf (at a KY flea market). I can only say, it is definitely a Small World in my kitschy universe.

Linkin' it up with the usual thrift parties: Apron Thrift Girl and Her Library Adventures.

Oh, and reason for crappy photos tonight? Yep, you guessed it: more rain in Louisville!

*Not to be confused with spiritual! ;)

So, Remember When...

(Husband notoriously takes horrible photos of me...or maybe it's just me. I swear I do not look like this here! ;)

A while back I mentioned a New Year's goal to visit/try something new in Louisville (or KY). Do you remember? Well, I am happy to say I spent the weekend trying new things (and, the places we visited were free!) The boys and husband came down from the cold, snowy (yes, again) North to beautiful, there-is-actually-spring South to look at houses. We did look at houses and found some lovely one close to Louisville, but on acreage (a compromise to the city/country debate I have in my head). Unfortunately, all were too good to be true and needed much more work than I am willing to put out. I don't have the time and I would just buy that first Victorian we looked at if I wanted work.

So, onward...after business was out of the way, we did the following:

(God, I hope Louisville cleans this mess up. Please don't throw your trash out your window! Recycle!)

*Walked along the Wharf (isn't the garbage sad? The river is really up right now and much of the park is under water. We met an old riverboat guy who kindly took a quarter chance in Lyndon's thrifted toy slot machine and then told us stories of barges going up and down the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. This guy is one of the reasons I love Louisville-the kindness of strangers that, by the end of a great tale, feel like friends).

*Got my bangs cut even shorter than normal (just cut my all one length hair to bangs in October and they keep getting shorter). Husband says I look like Betty Paige.

(What do you think? I look just like her here more than that weird girl in the first photo...JK! Source)

*Checked out the Louisville Bats (both the giant wooden one and the great animal one over on the west side of Broadway). Wish I had taken a couple of photos.

(Do you think he got the leading position because he actually resembles a leprechaun?)

*Observed the annual St. Patrick's Day Parade in the Highlands. OMG. I thought Zombie Night couldn't be topped, but...we loved this event! I would love to live in this area. Love the culture!

*Thrifted (of course!) at this shop (clothes are a bit expensive, but great vintage garments to be found there; I was tempted, but did not buy any clothing). I'll share my finds tomorrow! Husband complained about the smell which I love (like old house smell...he says it smells dirty. Now can you understand the almost divorce???) We also hit a GW in a nearby town while waiting to see a house (Big No on the house!)

*Got caught in Lady Gaga traffic downtown, but people watching was fascinating (forgot she was in town!)...Oh, to be young again! :)

*Listened to this great CD. I cannot wait until April 26 for the concert at this wonderful Louisville park (designer the same as the NY Central Park designer). Plus, a bonus, I heard that Sarah Jaffe (great new young artist) will be at Waterfront Wednesdays on April 27 (free concerts downtown by the river). Wow. Wow! (Lyndon tells Mr. Gobbles Gobbles how fun the day was...OK, actually they were arguing like usual, but a mama can pretend!)

The brood is returning North today and I have a busy work week ahead of me. First, I need to clean up the tornado debris my sons left me.

Linking up to Penny Worthy Project because it was un el cheapo weekend!

Maybe, the Regret

Oh, spring loveliness here today. Blue sky and reasonable temps, I just had to get out of the office and drive around. Days like today I love KY and am so happy I ended up here (pure luck, I say!) And, the fact I have been here almost three seasons is just amazing to me.

Other days (and even sometimes into the evening), I feel panicked. My husband is a lot more adventurous than I am. He says, "Sometimes you just have to take a chance..." He is excited and happy about the move. Me? I have always been at odds with 'chance'.

Tomorrow, I am setting off to see too-good-to-be-true house and land (I've been there several times now, but the realtor does not know this fact). I saw they reduced the price by $15,000. The place is beautiful, but remote...or at least it seems that way considering one has to track up a mountain and down into a hollow. You can only see other folks' houses way off in the distance on top of a different mountain (okay, hill, but a mountain to this former flat-lander). The house and property are just perfect. I think maybe too perfect.

I am on the fence about the location. I am not sure I want to be remote again. Back home in IN, our house is rural, but the in-laws live just down the road. We can't see our neighbors, but they are there. This weekend, back up North, I managed to get both my vehicle and our pick-up stuck in the blessed wet snow. Husband was at work. My eldest child had a birthday party to attend later and we needed a gift. I was able to call up my MIL and she took son to store and party and my FIL and step-BIL (also a neighbor) came to my rescue with a tractor. In KY, we will be on our own. And this scares me.

So, I found two other homes to check out near the edge of Louisville. Both are 'city' houses, but both offer large (as in 2+ acre) lots. Both are convenient to the city and decrease our work commute. Well, it will shorten my commute (the other house is actually closer to hubby's work) and I am not sure I want to go back to an hour one-way commute to work. I love being home quickly when the day is done. The closer city homes offer a chance to know our neighbors (possibly) and have someone to rely on if ever there need be a reason.

I think my worst fear is regret. Maybe I will regret selling our lovely 10+ acre lot in IN. Maybe I won't find anything in the same price range. Maybe my job here will end. Maybe I will have trouble with childcare. Maybe I will be lonely here...or maybe I will love it. Maybe I need to let chance (aka fate) have her way. Until we sell the IN property and get Dh down here, it's all just a pipe-dream anyway.