Monday, July 2, 2012

The Mystery of Disappearing Goals

Remember this post? No? Please don't feel bad...I really don't either.

I was positive this was my year for sticking through to the end of a year with my goal list. I had such aspirations! Now here we are, a year half over and a goal list barely scratched (or remembered).

Here was my planned goals for '12:

Learn: This can be accomplished in many different ways: read, take a class, participate
Complete: Borrowing this one from Fullfreezer because I, too, have a million and one uncompleted projects
Move: Exercise, dance, hike. I need to lose weight. I need to refind my energy.
Sustain: The planet, my children, my job, my health, my life, myself
Plan: Plan for the future, plan for change, plan on doing things in ways that allow me to achieve a better quality of life and living...
Nourish: Also borrowed from Fullfreezer (used to be "Eat")-I like the idea of nourishment for the body vs. food. It also extends to mind and soul.
Create: Craft, relationships, ideas, gardens, etc.
Grow: gardens, food, children, myself
Observe: photograph, visit new places, watch for birds, see the changing seasons, etc.
Budget: mostly money, but other things can be placed here as well.
Play: Do something fun. Play soccer with my boys, go have a beer now and then, go to a concert.
Love: I really need improvement here. I need to allow myself to love unconditionally, let old grudges go, forgive, love myself.
I can't say I have learned much...unless you count trying to buy a foreclosure house for cash. I've learned a lot about frustration. I started out going to Permaculture classes and haven't had a chance to go back.

Sigh. I have really failed, pretty much. I started out great: I lost weight and was working out regularly, but here I am 6 months later, 10 pounds heavier than before I lost the weight (no bueno). And I certainly don't feel more energetic. I have, however, stuck with getting my B-12 injections each month (something I was horrible at last year).

I have not completed any projects. In fact, if anything, the pile of projects have grown. I really need to work on my habit of procrastination when I am not truly loving a project.

I have half-assed planned some things, such as housing in Louisville, a new garden area, and some work related items.

As far as nourishing my body, mind or soul...nope, I've gained weight, been sullen and drab over the past couple of months, and my soul just feels heavy. Definitely need to bring in "plan" here to help me out.

I have lots of ideas, but have not managed one creative project. Again, plan can step in anytime and help me out with these other goals.

I did manage to plant a couple of gardens and, so far, with a little watering help the garden is green and growing. In fact, many of the plants are the largest I've ever seen (Alaska sized even!)

I visited a couple of new places early in the year, but (again) it seems to have fallen to the side of business. I really need to pick this one back up. I need to observe better, photograph more than just the thrift items I drag home.

I did manage to budget in a savings for the KY house. Now if only the bank would let me close before I go homeless. Staying at a motel, waiting will surely not help the budget.

I should just put a big, ol' hatch mark through play. I've done none of these things and so many great artists have come or are coming to Louisville this summer (Brandi Carlile, Rufus Wainwright, Nikko Case, Death Cab for Cutie, The Walkmen, The Features...oh, just go to Forecastle website for more!) How many have I gone to? One. Jessica Lea Mayfield is the only concert I have attended. I also have not played with my boys (that much). I even skipped Waterfront Wednesdays which feature great acts for free (making it budget friendly).

This one is actually my biggest challenge and I have been constant in my failure on this goal. I guess I can say I have been working out again (just started again last week) and maybe that is a start to loving myself a bit more. I also am trying to be less of a B to the man people in my life. It's a start even if kind of late in the year, I guess.

I think I am going to try one of those 101 in 1001 lists. Maybe I just need a longer time span.

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