Monday, August 20, 2012

Hello! I am a Horrible Blogger.

I first started a blog back in 2004 (actually, I had a short lived one even further back-maybe 2003?) and I was pretty good at keeping up on it. I would probably say it was a lifestyle blog with an undertone of homesteading arts. That blog even lead to a regular contribution on a shared blog at one point, but bad politics drove me away. Back then, photographs were rare and a pleasant treat on blogs. People just wrote out thoughts, it seemed.

A few years ago, I went through a rough patch in my life. This was around the same time I quit the shared blog. The rough patch grew and grew into a festering wound and one day I just quit blogging. I still read blogs and (I hope) still commented, but I couldn't face creating any more posts for that blog. I still have it, locked under password, because it is very hard to throw almost 6 years of your history away, but it's long since grown dusty and cold.

A couple of months after I closed up the blog, I found myself suddenly in a new city with a new job position. It was lonely. To compensate for the loneliness, I did the only thing I could think to do: go thrifting. And, I started blogging again with a new focus.

I have just never been able to feel this blog. I know it sucks. I know my photos are hastily taken (or just really bad-I would love to take some photography classes). I know my words are dry and predictable. I know this place lacks interest...or direction.

Sometimes I think about writing a post and it seems witty and sunny (this especially happens while driving). I mentally see how I will stage some photos, but, of course, it never happens. I blame laziness. And fatigue. Or maybe it is just lack of interest on my part to create something witty and nice.

I have such mixed feelings about where blogging has gone since 2004. Back then and, I would say, until maybe 2008, blogs were personal, like reading letters from friends. It seemed a whole lot easier. Now, it seems everyone wants to be a columnist or mini-magazine creators. And, while I do love many, many "professional" blogs out there and all the ideas and really good photography, I feel a little like a lost little fishie in a sea of big swordfish. I mean, it's a ridiculous feeling to harbor because I do not even want or have the time to be a blogging shark, I just don't know why I bother with all the work it takes to post words and pictures if all I can produce is substandard bullcrap.
And, I don't know where I fit in. I'm not young and hip anymore (oh, how I would have loved having this technology in my 20's!) , but I am a Gen Xer and I'm not ready to be old and gobble necked either (OK, I thrifted Nora Ephron's book over the weekend). For example, I have closets full of great vintage clothing and shoes and I would love to do some of those "What I'm Wearing" posts, but I'm camera shy. And, truth be told, I sometimes feel like I may be too old to do one! Then, thoughts like that one just piss me off. I mean I would never feel that way about another person caught in these f*cking middle years or any age for that matter. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I also seem to suffer from blogging ADD. When I run down the options for subjects, this is what I get:  I probably seem like such a horrible mom (I mean what sort of mom leaves her kids to take a job transfer and then lets 2 years race by?), so I will never be a parenting blog (can't stand those type of blogs anyway to be bluntly honest). I also try to respect my children's privacy somewhat. I do love to cook, but I have no interest in sharing my creations. I have no time (thanks to job-again) to travel for fun. The farm is not much of a farm anymore, so I am not homesteading anymore (it's kind of hard to farm when you are away the majority of the week). I do plan to urban farm in the near future, but I have more pressing house projects to get to first. My marriage has been a mess for years, so no cute stories there. I do thrift, but that has caused a serious clutter issue and I have slowed way down.  I am not much of a reseller. I'm not creative or crafty. I guess I am a lifestyle blog again, but one stuck in a life somewhat twisted and strange (not necessarily in a good way). I have a hard time focusing enough to write a decent post anymore.
All of this mumble jumble nonsense is to say I am not sure I am going to continue the blog. I do appreciate the comments and visitors I've had over the past couple of years. Thank you for sticking it out with me! I do apologize for the boring posts and the crappy photos.


antvee said...

I've followed your blog for many years.
I've never been bored.
I'd miss your updates!
Btw, I don't read those professional blogs.


Monica said...

Add me to the list that has followed you for years. :) My apologies for not visiting as of late.
I totally understand what you're saying about the blogging world now vs. then. My old blog is also under lock and key. I think the last post on that one from 2009 (that was not a good year). I started another blog last year (year before?) to promote my Etsy shop & share thrifting finds. I just haven't the time at the moment to devote to it. So it sits neglected.

Rae - Say It Ain't So said...

blogging is weird. my favorite type of blogs are the ones that are just people's personal stuff. there are a few of those "big blogs" i follow but most of the time i skip a lot of their posts and just read the personal ones. and oh my gosh i feel you on the slowing down on thrifting thing. i've either got to take tons of stuff to my antique booth, or just cut out estate sale and flea markets. my house is full!

Gina said...

Thanks for all your comments!

You know I love your blogs, Rae and Monica!

Antvee, you've been a great source of insight to me in the past. I consider y'all to be my friends! :)