I first started a blog back in 2004 (actually, I had a short lived one even further back-maybe 2003?) and I was pretty good at keeping up on it. I would probably say it was a lifestyle blog with an undertone of homesteading arts. That blog even lead to a regular contribution on a shared blog at one point, but bad politics drove me away. Back then, photographs were rare and a pleasant treat on blogs. People just wrote out thoughts, it seemed.
A few years ago, I went through a rough patch in my life. This was around the same time I quit the shared blog. The rough patch grew and grew into a festering wound and one day I just quit blogging. I still read blogs and (I hope) still commented, but I couldn't face creating any more posts for that blog. I still have it, locked under password, because it is very hard to throw almost 6 years of your history away, but it's long since grown dusty and cold.
A couple of months after I closed up the blog, I found myself suddenly in a new city with a new job position. It was lonely. To compensate for the loneliness, I did the only thing I could think to do: go thrifting. And, I started blogging again with a new focus.
I have just never been able to feel this blog. I know it sucks. I know my photos are hastily taken (or just really bad-I would love to take some photography classes). I know my words are dry and predictable. I know this place lacks interest...or direction.
Sometimes I think about writing a post and it seems witty and sunny (this especially happens while driving). I mentally see how I will stage some photos, but, of course, it never happens. I blame laziness. And fatigue. Or maybe it is just lack of interest on my part to create something witty and nice.
I have such mixed feelings about where blogging has gone since 2004. Back then and, I would say, until maybe 2008, blogs were personal, like reading letters from friends. It seemed a whole lot easier. Now, it seems everyone wants to be a columnist or mini-magazine creators. And, while I do love many, many "professional" blogs out there and all the ideas and really good photography, I feel a little like a lost little fishie in a sea of big swordfish. I mean, it's a ridiculous feeling to harbor because I do not even want or have the time to be a blogging shark, I just don't know why I bother with all the work it takes to post words and pictures if all I can produce is substandard bullcrap.
And, I don't know where I fit in. I'm not young and hip anymore (oh, how I would have loved having this technology in my 20's!) , but I am a Gen Xer and I'm not ready to be old and gobble necked either (OK, I thrifted Nora Ephron's book over the weekend). For example, I have closets full of great vintage clothing and shoes and I would love to do some of those "What I'm Wearing" posts, but I'm camera shy. And, truth be told, I sometimes feel like I may be too old to do one! Then, thoughts like that one just piss me off. I mean I would never feel that way about another person caught in these f*cking middle years or any age for that matter. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I also seem to suffer from blogging ADD. When I run down the options for subjects, this is what I get: I probably seem like such a horrible mom (I mean what sort of mom leaves her kids to take a job transfer and then lets 2 years race by?), so I will never be a parenting blog (can't stand those type of blogs anyway to be bluntly honest). I also try to respect my children's privacy somewhat. I do love to cook, but I have no interest in sharing my creations. I have no time (thanks to job-again) to travel for fun. The farm is not much of a farm anymore, so I am not homesteading anymore (it's kind of hard to farm when you are away the majority of the week). I do plan to urban farm in the near future, but I have more pressing house projects to get to first. My marriage has been a mess for years, so no cute stories there. I do thrift, but that has caused a serious clutter issue and I have slowed way down. I am not much of a reseller. I'm not creative or crafty. I guess I am a lifestyle blog again, but one stuck in a life somewhat twisted and strange (not necessarily in a good way). I have a hard time focusing enough to write a decent post anymore.
All of this mumble jumble nonsense is to say I am not sure I am going to continue the blog. I do appreciate the comments and visitors I've had over the past couple of years. Thank you for sticking it out with me! I do apologize for the boring posts and the crappy photos.