Mopey Shade of Blue

(Love this dresser created by Flea Market Trixie using old map)

It is nearly 11 am and I have done nothing today (laundry loads and dishes aside) except mope around in bed. I am feeling quite grey-blue, despondent and just plain tired. I really need to put up a list of things to be happy about like a favorite blogger does, but I also have a hard time focusing when I am feeling this way.

I came home this week for a funeral (my late father's older brother); to meet with the police regarding my wrongful ticket and employee misconduct; and, apparently, be a maid. The house is wrecked. I do not see ever getting it to look pretty. I started a painting project two weekends ago and the color of blue (a vintage map color) looks gorgeous, especially with the religionalia. However, I stalled at the edges because I cannot find the paint tape in all the mess this house has become since I went to KY.

Tomorrow I have a hair appointment (one I have needed for months, but couldn't find the time for...my grey is popping out of my dark hair like fireworks). I also need to attend a wedding reception of a (in-law) niece I don't care for to be honest. I really just want to go back to KY. I really despise Indiana.


I am also certain 'justice' is a figment of our imagination. Should you ever get pulled over when you were not committing a crime (or moving violation). Let it go and accept they will ALWAYS be right. They can drag you out of the vehicle for whatever reason they deem fit and they do not have to show you any proof of your crime. Oh, they also do not have to identify themselves (hear that police impostors!!) Don't bother filing a complaint; they will have an excuse for everything. I get so tired of hearing I should have said, "Sir this, Sir that..." and not questioned why I was being pulled over. I was not speeding, I did not earn the citation, yet I will be punished for it anyway. Know this, however, should I ever be the officer you deal with, you can not only ask for my identification (and should), but I will tell you specifically why I am visiting you and show you the codes and information I have. I will not leave you in the dark to fight a battle you did not deserve. I do still believe that I work for citizens and I believe in the oath I took for my badge.

My husband is also on my shit list. He made a despairing comment about my body. Why do men do that shit? Really! Society is hard enough on us. Turning 40 is hard enough on us. Why make it worse? He has been back peddling from his slip, but it hurts. It will continue to nag at me because it is something hard to fix. I feel ugly.

I really want to go yard saling just to get my brain off these cycles of self-pity, but I know that bringing home more junk when I am piled over with projects is just stupid. I have garden stuff to contend with, laundry (you have no idea), decluttering, painting, fixing, and planning. I hate that sun has gone away (I never complain about sunshine even if it is bloody hot!) I really want to create something beautiful like that dresser above. My mother recently gave me an old world map that belonged to my father, but she tore it into pieces to throw it in the garbage (until learning I wanted it*). It is these lovely vintage shades of color. I tried taping it back together (it is a velum like material), but it looks awful. This would be a great way to rescue it.

OK, maybe this is something to be happy about today.

*My mother is not a sentimental person and has thrown most of my father's things out (or sold them in ys without asking his four children if they want anything. He told me on his deathbed that he had a box of letters out in the garage for me (he was to a point he could not leave a bed); he told me out of all of his children we shared a lot. I was in the dark as to what he could mean.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom mentions she found a box of love letters from my father's time in England (he met and married my mother at 30). She said they were just a bunch of garbage. I was (and am still) pissed at this action! I just know these letters were the ones my father meant and now I will never be able to read them. I also met and married my current husband in my 30's and, I too, lived somewhere else in my youth. I also loved and lost love during those years. I returned to IN due to a heartbreak that was real and momumental to who I am now. I think my father "related" to this heartbreak in his daughter.

OK, enough already. If you are reading still...thanks.

No Shopping Update-Week 2

Okay, so this post about too much "stuff" at this funny and potty mouth blog I like (which, BTW, I love and can fuckin' relate to most of the time; I too talk like a trucker and swear like a sailor!) resonated with me and my "no shopping" pledge. See, I am already not much of a retail shopper. It is really not a challenge for me to stay out of them. This past weekend we did venture into Target for something we needed. We had a list (albeit mental one) because we know what we will find there (for the most part). We needed a futon to house the boys at night when they are in KY because Husband has been over the co-sleeping things for years (interrupts his co-sleeping thing if you know what I mean). Personally, I would have just scoured Craigslist or a thrift store for one, but with all the recent bedbug stories, Husband thought paying an extra $50 bucks was worth it (we had some gift cards too). I am an entomologist by trade and am not easily scared by bugs, but that is another story and not one worth arguing about with the DH. The only one I saw out that I liked was the one at Target.

While there I resisted many things (like an awesomely cute Valentine Bulldog Candy Dish for $12.99), but I did let the boys each pick a $1 item (they chose well and exactly as I would have back when I was their age-a bag of plastic farm animals!) I also found a couple of clearance candles which smelled very, very good.

So, after loading our brand new futon into the truck we headed out to drive around Louisville. Of course, spotting a St. Vincents TS, my Husband kindly pulled over and agreed to "babysit" while I "had fun" shopping. I never know what I will find in a thrift store.

Bags and a sewing machine later I headed back to the truck and justified talked about my purchases. Other than the vintage sewing machine, I also bought two swan planters; a "cockeyed coffee" coffee mug; 8 vintage Arby's glasses (Husband works for a company that contracts with Arby's and I actually remember these glasses from the '80's); two packages of First Communion invitations (eldest has one in spring); and a gorgeous vintage Chinese gown that is marked two sizes bigger than my American size, but won't slip over my hips. The only item I actually needed were the invitations and even that is subjective. I then went on to four more thrift stores/flea markets. I shared five items Monday, but I could share an item a day for 3 years, probably, just in what I have thrifted in the past few months.

My 'shopping' problem is thrifting. As much as I love reading all the Thrift Share Monday items and seeing all the great things people find, it is spurring me to be a hunter too. I need to stop because I am turning into a cat that just plays with its prey because I am already well-fed. I could also throw in grocery shopping as this bi-locale living has wrecked havoc on menu planning and thrifty food buying. So, like Monica, I need to revamp my "no shopping" pledge. I already use a list for retail shopping and rarely just splurge shop (maybe one or two times a year if someplace is having a sale). Thrifting, on the other hand, is unpredictable. I think that is the main reason I have loved it since discovering it as a teenager in the late 1980's. You never know what you will find and, if you do find it, you know it won't be there if you leave it.

I, too, have amassed quite a bit of shit in my homes. Sometimes I buy it thinking I may decorate a room around it (and then I promptly forget in the year[s] it takes me to actually do it). Other times I know it is cheap and valuable and I think maybe I will start this reselling business. Maybe. I'm no stranger to buying online, but I have never tried to sell anything.

My new pledge: no more thrift stores. I think I've said this before (deja vu?) I am pledging here and now to stay out until a) I have sold something and b) I have either used 10 items or donated them. I have had an idea for the mass of cookbooks I have collected over the years (another blog I set up and have yet to start), but I need to organize and decide now about this junk. In the past 8 years I have purged my homes twice of crap I bought and then stored and I always seem to do it again. I really wonder what some thrifters homes look like (am I the only one good at the thrifting part and horrible at the decorating part?) Some thrifty people can make their homes look very, very cute; mine looks like the home of a hoarder...junky, cluttered. What am I missing?

And, as for the other side of this shopping problem: Food. I will go back to keeping an inventory of our pantries (both IN and KY ones) and I will be mindful to buy on sale or with a coupon and only if it is needed. I really don't spend a lot because I rarely buy processed foods. We were eating out too much on my weekends home because of the time issue, but I am putting a stop to that practice. DH and I planned to eat out and movie one of these Saturdays, but it has yet to happen.

So, I hope I am successful with the new twist on this challenge. I am cleaning and preparing tax crap this weekend, so bypassing the thrifts should be relatively easy. Next week I am traveling again for work and will be an area with a couple of Goodwills (and an IKEA store and I really want some bookshelves for the apartment), a bit harder to bypass.

So my grade for the week: a generous C+!