Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Conflict of New

This blog is new, but I am not new to blogging. I kept a hodge podge "life" blog for years and would have kept going on it, but I lost my drive. My life, at the time of the retirement, was a jumble of messes caused by both internal and external stress, including marital discord, a court issue with a land contract, the economy, my job, my in-laws, myself...It's a long, long list. I wanted to just bury my head in the sand ("So, you know where to find me" as the great words in the song "Conversation 16" the National says...maybe I'll put it up for your listening pleasure) and forget it all. I was miserable with the world around me and it was miserable with me. It is the main reason I don't link them here because I want to close the book on that shit and move on to new adventures.

Now, nearly a 3/4 year later (since ending the other blog) I am finding life much more tolerable. We won the court case and then sold the house, our marriage is much better thanks to a little distance (I am so, so, so the opposite of the clingy type), the economy still sucks and my relationship with in-laws is still a bit strained, but I am glad they are in my life (they make our KY/IN life possible right now). However, now that the greyness has subsided, I am wondering if I made the right choice to move to KY. I hate the drive back and forth, I miss my kids (and even the hubby most of the time), and I am looking out at our gorgeous 11 acre property and swooning over the ice covered trees and blue, blue sky. I wonder if I will love a new property when we find it in KY like I do this one (right property, wrong house and location).

The job situation in this area is hit or miss. Like a lot of American cities, we have seen the decline of industry and a brain drain of human resources. I was fortunate to find something in my field and loved what I did, but I saw an issue with sustainability (especially with cut-backs and all) and knew it was a matter of time before I was terminated (well, I was working under contract terms and I thought I may or may not be renewed). When I saw an opportunity to be permanent and an increase in salary I either had to grab it or leave it with a weekend notice. We agreed I should grab it. The husband has been driving 90 miles one way to his job for years (he only has to make the drive 2 times a week) and his company has a DC near the area my job presented itself. He knew he could transfer. It seemed as if fate was moving us to go to KY.

And, I love KY! The people are sweet (I mean I melt when a young man calls me "darlin'"), the landscape is beautiful, and my dad was from eastern KY so I feel closer to ancestral roots there. I live in a metro area of a large city (Louisville) and one of Louisville's slogans are "Keep Louisville Weird". It is a perfect fit for me!!

The negatives are my MIL cares for my children while we work. She sees them off to school and is there when they step off the bus (she lives an 1/8 of a mile from our property which you can understand is both a blessing and an issue). She loves them dearly and they love her. With the move in a few months, we will need childcare again and when we are both on the road for the jobs, it will be a huge issue to arrange childcare when school is in session. She could come down and stay with us, but I do not know how she would feel about this arrangement. I would love to send them to stay with her, but school dictates location.

Another issue is I see my husband losing steam on the idea of moving south. We both know we won't be living on 10 acres on the same price as we have here. We bought the property at a great price and with the thought of using it to sustain us if Peak Oil or other future issues caused us to homestead for survival. I have learned a lot from living with livestock, wildlife, woods and near-by lakes. Now, with the summer move, my hope is to downsize (truth be told we have never had the time to enjoy our property with the long commutes to urban areas/jobs and the ultimate size that keeps us busy with up-keep). I want a smaller property with a more interesting house (i.e. historical home) and hope to just rent community garden space to grow my own vegetable. On the other hand, I also have loved living with out neighbor issues (for the most part*), and will need to deeply screen any neighborhoods we look at in KY (I've had some strange and annoying situations in the past). It may also be nice to have neighbors! I will also miss the wildlife (catching frogs with the boys in spring, the sounds of owls and coyotes, the flutter of songbirds and the occasional sighting of a fox, deer or skunk in the front yard). So much to miss, so much to discover.

All of this is a swarm of feelings I seem to develop on Sunday when faced with four-hour drive back to work. When I return to KY, I know I love it. It is when I am home that I wonder if it is the right place for us. This much I do know: I want my family in one spot and I want a "normal" life. Although I expect it to still be weird. In fact, I need it to be weird! ;)

OK, I need to finish a huge list around here before I leave. Next weekend the family is coming down to me for a change, so I need to complete a couple of projects I started yesterday. I now have a clean linen closet!!

*A snowbird neighbor who parks an RV on wild property near us came home last spring and bulldozed full grown apple and maples trees on OUR property. He claimed the edge of the woods was the property line (it's marked with stakes) and he had the right. He was at least 10-20 feet onto our property and the trees he killed sustained livestock and the bees I kept at the time. I was pissed to say the least!

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